It’s a topic of conversation that I’ve had with my sister and I feel it needs to be talked about more often with more women. So it all started whenever it started because quite honestly I remember it starting at a very young age. And now as an adult, I can classify it as the jealousy between women. The jealousy between women that causes some women to give compliments more or less, if at all, depending on how threatened they may feel about another woman. How some women just can’t help themselves in throwing unsolicited shade. How some women can make so many friends while others struggle with exclusion and are sometimes instantly disliked for being themselves. Finding anything to make mention, ya job, ya walk, ya talk, your level of confidence and intelligence. The List could go on. Why Are We Still Going Through This? And I say still because it still happens to me now. The comments I sometimes get in reference to myself only from other women in an attempt to insight me to react verbally or otherwise. I’m quite good at ignoring the nonsense at this point, but every time it happens I can’t help but wonder….. what is it?
This is a problem for a number of reasons. It creates ill feelings, hostility and division depending on who you are. It destroys the bonds of sisterhood before they can even begin, therefore negatively affecting the community and the village like bonds that could be made between families and neighbors if jealousy was not embedded in the hearts of some.
Thinking about my overall experience thus far in my 28 years of living, based on my own experiences dealing with these types of issues from women I personally know, have worked with and didn’t know at all, these are the surrounding issues that keep resurfacing clear as day.
Women who can’t help but feel like they’re in competition with you. They have created this competition in their head and actually expect you to compete. They’ll always have something to say to cut you down rather than to build you up. It is nothing personal. But it is personal. Why? Because they gravitate towards you. You naturally make them look at themselves with dissatisfaction. But no one has control over that besides the person whose dissatisfied with themselves. If you’re that dissatisfied woman I urge you to be your own competition from last year , last month and last night. Start on you sis.
What the next woman has is always a concern for the insecure. When they see you laced, prospering with opportunity overflow, happy in love, living your absolute best life in real life and on your social platforms, they are not happy.
They are sizing you up for reasons you will never know and it’s not up to you to figure it out. They just haven’t grasp the concept of doing, having, being better and finding what it means to be happy in that. Queens know there will always be better to someone else. It is such a breath of fresh air to be around confident solid women.., get you some.
Age/ Generational Gap
My first encounter with this issue is memorable because it was in the work place, teaching me a valuable lesson about my own strengths and capabilities. I had started my first job ever at 16 as a waitress for a diner off broad street that’s now long gone. There was an older woman there who did not like me and she had no problem giving me the rejection letter of invitation. As in, I was not invited to the party that was my newly found place of work. She was handled accordingly and we never entered into each other spaces afterwards.
SOME older women feel threatened by younger women in the workplace, otherwise and in general. An older woman may feel like she wasted time and should be further along in life. She sees a young girl in her place of business as a threat for whatever her reasoning may be; Beauty, attention, age gap with same pay, etc. Instead of showing you the ropes, they rather get you fired. Instead of speaking good about you, they rather call you names and any opportunity they are in a position to give you they will not because they’re jealous of you. The age difference becomes a reminder of how stagnant they have been and it’s your fault.
Shout Outs to the Angela Basett’s, Michelle Obama’s and Oprah Winfrey’s who don’t mind sharing the secret sauce that only comes with age in reference to business and life. Handing out jewels of advice on a daily with grace and style. Not just gossiping about coworkers in their work uniform everyday. To the ones who make opportunities on purpose… We Love You.
If misery loves company then discontentment is the guest of honor. Its easy to wallow in the things we hate about ourselves, our lives, our situation as a whole. When discontent is the source of jealousy understand even if you have less than the person who is discontented they will act as if you have more.
They’re unhappy with their lives and comparing everything you do or have is just easier than to actually do the work to cope with their reality. It’s an instant temporary solution for people who are not interested in permanent ones. The happiness you exude will always remind them of the happiness they lack.
The jealous admirers. There’s no shame in admiration. It should drive the people for good. But it can come in the form of jealousy unfortunately. It comes as the backhanded complements or “constructive criticism” on your progress, business, life adventures, anything really. When everyone is cheering you on, here comes Jelly Jane reminding you of the one mistake nobody even notices or is telling you how she wouldn’t go to the vacation spot you posted because it’s too hot there.
The truth is that they admire your authentic self and they feel less than because their focus is all wrong. They love and hate what comes naturally for you and hate that it doesn’t come naturally for them. The attention, the financial gains, the love of people and your career accomplishments all feel like personal jabs at their character.
While they’re admiring your position , status, overflow of blessings, success and resources, They’re over looking your ability to get things done, your willingness to put forth the hard work and make sacrifices. Only seeing what’s in the lenses and not what’s in the background.
Keep giving them something to admire. Somebody gotta do it and maybe your example will one day get Jelly Jane feet and hands moving and not just her mouth.
Woman To Woman.
When will it end? Why haven’t we gotten pass this yet? Ladies, in 2019 I would like to see compliments being thrown around like confetti just for the sake of making another woman’s day. Understand the power transferred from one woman to another that can spark fire in her to finally start or to keep going when she’s at the brink of giving up.
No more tearing down other women with unnecessary “playful” shade, no more downsizing their worth in their business because you want a discount, no more playing with other women coins because you don’t like her. No more tarnishing reputations because the guy you want, wants her. No more fake concerns for the next woman’s weight and size in front of other people. no more.
Can we start speaking life into one another instead of doubt? Can we focus on ourselves when we’re not happy instead of projecting it on to others? Can we stop putting these bad customs in the world of women onto our daughters?
Queen I see you. I just want you to see yourself. Your uniqueness. Your talents. Your capabilities.
Queen, what’s stopping you?